I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
