i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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