Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
