being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
