recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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