I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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