Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
