i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
