dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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