i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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