from now on my penis is your penis
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
