Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
