Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
