I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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