Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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