I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
