What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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