all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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