I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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