i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think my moral compass just broke
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