So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
