Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
