the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
