whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
