You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize