Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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