Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
