My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
