Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
