Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
