i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
