and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
