Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
