She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
