I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
