i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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