Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
