Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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