Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
