I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
