You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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