It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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