butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So vagazzling was a success
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
