Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Randomize
