hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
