Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
