Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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