made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
be right there i have to get my cape
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
