It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
