i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
