He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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