on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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