Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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