omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
