Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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