The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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