Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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