FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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