turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
