his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
