my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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