it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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