Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
