I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
