I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
