Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
