Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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