I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
