I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
