Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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