my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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