Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
