After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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