Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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