your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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