I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
