So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
