The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
