Someone shit on the floor
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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