areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
